Feb 28, 2017
Hey-y-y! It’s so awesome to meet you! This is my little corner of the internet where I get to love all over the things I’m passionate about like potential, books, inner strength and sensuality, poetry, writing and the psychology of relationships! Archetypes! And of course, health and fitness too!
I love intensity, altruism and meaningful conversations with others and with myself. But then again, I also love flirtatiously inspired banter with others and with myself! Dichotomies, polarities, either/or mentalities…that’s not me. My life has been deliciously interwoven with both the masculine and feminine and I savour both.
In my world, we are ALL stories and ALL situations are relationships. The only way we can healthily move between them or beyond them is with purposeful action and intention…movement! Growth is dependent on our ability to unlock and master the magnetic power of the various archetypes that live within us so we can chart a course toward greater self-love and actualization. That’s my focus! That’s my passion! Inspiring people with the courage to seek greater clarity, confidence and compassion in their lives!
I’m a long-time fitness enthusiast and avid reader, two anchors that kept me on-track while growing up and that continue to play a pivotal role in my life. They coin the name of my Bookfit Warrior status and community. After all, change and transformation can only occur where wisdom meets action.
Making a choice to get outside of my head and into my body is how I realign and connect with that deeper, higher, expansive source. It’s how I learn, linger and taste life.
If you’re looking for the official write-up, you can find that here too but this is me – the unfiltered me.
I released my first book in June 2016 called Just Jaylyn: Uncover Your Story, Discover Your Truth: How to unstick your stuck and build a foundation for conscious living.
It was an incredibly momentous achievement for me to put something so personal out into the world but I’m happy I did ’cause …What we share, we strengthen! (We’re not alone!), and what we shine a light on, loses its strength! (Shame!)
I used to describe my book as a story about life, love and letting go, and this is still true but it’s so much deeper than that. If you’ve ever wondered what an “Awakening” feels like, not a New Age, “I seek spirit because it’s the cool thing to do…” but rather a transformative, “I shall surrender because not doing so, will fracture my spirit in a way in which I won’t ever recover if I don’t,” then this story might be for you.
My story is not new. It’s message is universal – relationship heartache – but what makes it different is that not everyone identifies their experience as a demarcation point. A moment of truth to look within rather than without. Not everyone listens, feels or sees the break in the chasm in that moment. But for those of us who do, my book, Just Jaylyn, might be that one thing that gives you the solace and clarity you’ll need to accept your uncertainty AS certainty…that part of you must die, in order for another part of you to transform and be reborn; that in order for another part of you to awaken, there is a part of the life you are living now that must be surrendered … a part of your psyche must come to an end.
I didn’t get it right away.
The Universe kicked my proverbial booty HARD! Not once! Not twice! But three times before I finally got its intended message. The first realization was in the form of a BETRAYAL OF MY SISTERS, the second was a realization of the BETRAYAL OF SELF, until finally, I understood, my behaviours as a BETRAYAL OF MY SOUL.
Let’s just say life has gotten a lot easier since.
(Please don’t confuse this with organized religion. It’s not anything I subscribe to and it’s what caused my delay in acceptance in the first place.)
The Power of Story is far beyond our personal empowerment agendas! Our spark can light the fire and inspire the change necessary for others. When we write our own stories, we truly do get to decide how they end! Mine’s not over yet and clearly, yours isn’t either because you’re here! I decided that if I was able to heal, leave a legacy for my kids, and help one person unstick their stuck by putting my stuff out there into the world, then it would all be worth it.
NATURE VS. NURTURE
As a young mom, I struggled between wanting to live a selfish, single life and the one I ultimately chose. I felt trapped between wanting to own the novelty of this grown up life with the freedom of exploring the possibilities of a single one. It took a little while for me to embrace my maternal instincts full force. I DID! But only after I gained greater perspective and maturity.
My heart tends to lag behind my mind in that way…often. The syncing up between acceptance and letting go used to cause me a lot of grief. I know now after a lot of inner work, mentoring, study and research, it had a lot to do with that nature vs nurture thing. There were moments in my life where I caught myself thinking, “Hey, why don’t you like this person again? Oh…that’s right, you’re holding your mother’s grudges as your own.”
Conditioning is so ridiculously powerful and most of us are oblivious to it, walking around on autopilot, none the wiser! Our choices are being silently manipulated by layers of unconscious living! Sometimes, we’re doing things that aren’t really a reflection of who we really are or what we even truly want or believe! Isn’t that incredible???
I think it’s AMAZING!
Once we realize we’re really not all that different from each other, our perceptions start changing. We start wanting to understand “why”– why am I doing the things I do, why am I thinking the things I think, why am I feeling the way I feel … why am I here? Understanding our particular ‘why’ makes it easier to implement the change necessary to overcome whatever obstacle or challenge we might be facing…with grace.
Here’s MY story, the crux of my conditioning. The bird’s eye view. There are always stories within stories, which can help us hone in on specific limiting beliefs (btw – that’s part of what I write about in my book!) but then there’s that one central theme – or Story – that tends to cast an overall understanding for our lives. It may even feel like our destiny …but it’s not. It’s only fated if we choose not to become aware and intervene.
Learn, Live, Light!
If what Madeleine Albright said was true, that…
There’s a special place in Hell for women who don’t support women.
…then I was well on my way.
I was born and raised by a strong, beautiful, and vivacious single mom during the burning bras of the 70s…feminism! A time when women began exploring living lives our mothers or grandmothers couldn’t even imagine, and that many of us take for granted today. It was a time of transition and confusion as gender roles were questioned and patriarchy was being dismantled.
At least, that’s what I tell myself. It’s the only logical explanation I’ve been able to come up with to explain the transient lifestyle that we lived.
Between the ages of 5 and 18, kindergarten and high school graduation, I had moved 10 times and attended 9 different schools as we moved from place to place and/or city to city. I wasn’t part of a military family. We weren’t international missionaries, corporate ladder achievers or scholarly academics. We were just dysfunctional…like every other family out there…but in our own unique way.
Each time my mom’s relationships fell apart, we’d “make miles.” I was the surrogate spouse more often than not. We lived anywhere between cockroach infested apartments to executive-style homes in exclusive neighbourhoods. Sometimes, we could only afford to eat pasta other times, it was filet mignon. We lived from one end of the spectrum to the other and it rarely bothered me what side of it we were on. My needs were met.
I was a happy kid! I felt gratitude for each experience. Moving was exciting! Dynamic! An opportunity to make new friends, join new teams, meet new people. But even though my natural tendency was toward positivity, I had developed an unconscious belief that was sabotaging my personal and perhaps even my professional success. It had been reinforced each time I was uprooted and each time, we moved.
Men cause chaos, financial stress, and emotional heartache. They will either hurt me or abandon me, after they take what they want. The only way to avoid it and stay safe is to either not give them what they want or become one of them, claim the masculine in me.
And since, the expression “girls can do anything boys can do,” was prevalent and loudly encouraged at that time, it was an easy decision to make – both. One would think that I would have grown up hating men but that wasn’t the case at all. I idolized them and what I confused as being their power.
I didn’t really like them that much. I saw emotion as weakness and it irritated me to see a woman using her tears or her beauty to further her cause. My own beauty was an enigma. My strength resided entirely with my intellect and physicality – in what I could achieve – so what could I possibly have in common with women?
WHOA! Fighting words!
At 19 years of age, that aloofness and arrogance (armour) had me believing I was ready to take on the challenges of partnership and marriage. My single-minded, masculine drive worked well for juggling the demands of raising a family of 3, organizing a home, becoming a first-generation university graduate (3x) and launching a career but not so much for overcoming the patterned relationship behaviours I’d grown up in.
As the stress and strain of a young family mounted and my own personal goals were challenged, my ego surged. Instead of turning in to my marriage to seek comfort and support, I did what I was unconsciously conditioned to do, turn away. My marriage fell apart and I was levelled by a series of relationship failures after it. Men wanted something entirely different from me than my insight or intellect, and that validation was intoxicating.
I went from righteously responsible to insanely reckless, over night. I didn’t want to be ‘just one of the guys’ anymore but I hadn’t really learned how to be anything else. Seduction came easy (masculine), serenity was much harder (feminine).
What should have been a time in my life when I “knew better”…my thirties…I didn’t know any better. I thought I could pick up from where I left off prior to my 13 year marriage without skipping a beat but that couldn’t have been further from the truth. I no longer fit the mould of the girl who believed she could take what she wanted from life whenever she chose. I got caught up playing a man’s game with a newly developing femininity and I was way out of my league. Trying to ‘give and receive’ in an environment of takers was not exactly the right place to explore my emerging vulnerabilities.
I was crushed…mentally, emotionally, spiritually…and not long after that, physically, when I refused to listen and hear the call.
When I finally came up for air a couple of years later, my health had deteriorated to the point that I was rushed by ambulance to the hospital with my 12-year old daughter in tow. I had been going through the motions necessary to uphold the perception of normalcy but the reality is, I stopped caring. Shame pierced through me as we rode in the back of that ambulance. I didn’t want to meet my daughter’s eyes but I did and what I saw was hauntingly real.
I layed there thinking, we’re supposed to protect our children, shield them from our pain, not send them out into the world damaged by our selfishness and inadequacies. I could have protected her from this…I’m a terrible mom.
That moment was my shift.
I would not be like my mom or her mom or her mom before that. I would not accept that we are all destined to repeat.
That cycle of false pride and shame stops here.
Sisterhood Is Sacred
Our daughters and our mothers are our sisters too not just our friends. Sacred doesn’t mean we need to be friends with every woman we meet <kumbiya> but it does mean, our sisters are not our enemies so we need to hold a space for each other to grow and to grieve because we’re more alike than we are different.
Women lose themselves all the time in the name of love and their relationships.
And even though, I used to believe I was above all of that, I was now one of them too. It no longer mattered that I had learned to compartmentalize and suppress every single ache, pain and vulnerability I’d experienced in my lifetime because it wasn’t serving me or my family. Suppressing my truth was destroying every part of me from the inside out. My perceptions of strength had nothing to do with vulnerability but now, I know it’s everything.
A big part of loving myself these days is gratitude, and an even bigger part is learning how to reclaim my femininity so I can help other women reclaim theirs too. There are a lot of kick ass professionals struggling with their personal lives out there, unaware of the nurturing forces working against them. I hope to be able to bring a glimmer of light to this reality so that they too can begin to see their own brilliance and resilience, the same way I did, through the power of story and motion.
Connectivity Is the Light We Bring as Women
It’s only been a few short years, but already, I’ve created an online community of book lovers and fitness enthusiasts – Bookfit Warriors; I’ve written a book chronicling my downward spiral and lessons learned; I’m an active member sitting on a Women in Business Conference Advisory Board ; AND… I’m welcoming both men and women into my life with the same energy and excitement I had in the past but with renewed boundaries and appreciation.
Men are not the enemy. Women aren’t either. But WE ARE or at least, we can be, if we don’t have clarity about who we are, confidence in where we’re going or compassion for where we’ve been. That’s kind of what this journey’s all about for me – having the courage to explore all of these questions at evolving levels, over and over and over again, so that I’m so ridiculously real and so deliciously me, I’ll never run out of things to adore.
WITH ONE SINGLE SHIFT we can all begin to:
1. Take back our power,
2. Release the role of victim,
3. Own our realities and our lives…our stories.
“LEARN to find your story. LIVE to share your message. LIGHT the way for others.”
Wendy Leask is an author, online accountability coach, fitness enthusiast, and senior advisor for change and transformation. People and their unique perceptions are her passion!
For more than twenty years, Wendy has used her academic background in arts, business, and computers to facilitate change management and transformation in both the public and private sectors. As an accountability coach, Wendy strives every day to serve and inspire thousands of people to embrace change, create momentum, and pursue their potential with clarity, confidence and compassion.
As a left-brain creative, Wendy developed a website, Just Jaylyn, that enabled her to explore her dynamic youth while engaging her grownup interests in personal development, research, and creative expression. For three years, Wendy used her website to capture other people’s stories without realizing that their gift of sharing would be a catalyst—one of many—to recapture and heal her own.
Using the same business concepts that inspired her personal life strategy, she now helps others do the same – recognize their brilliance and resilience through the power of story and motion. Her most commonly shared belief is, “Our perceptions of our stories might shape our reality but our patterns reveal the truth.”
Wendy is also one of the co-founders of the viral movement, 22 Pushups Canada, which helps raise awareness for our veterans/first responders and PTSD. This initiative has raised over $90K since its official launch in July 2016.
Wendy makes her home in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, where writing, books and fitness are her sanity and her three grownup children are her essentials.
Her most commonly used hashtags:
#learnlivelight #justjaylyn #iseeyou #selflove #loveyourself
Author • Fitness Enthusiast • Change Agent
Passionate about Potential, Books, Inner Strength, Depth & Sensuality.click here
Hey-y-y! It's so awesome to meet you! This is my little corner of the internet where I ge...